Interview Mania

I think that I have a deep fear of interviews. Maybe because I never seem to do well in interviews as opposed to paper applications.

I mean, just take a look at my track record. I have interviewed for 3 LR positions in AIESEC (VPOGX, NST for ER and VPComm) and failed miserably each time. Once bitten, twice shy, thrice D'oh! And each time I have been told to try again. Well, not anymore.

Anyways, the reason I will not try again anymore is not because of the said interview-phobia, but rather my plans to continue my studies elsewhere. Then again, I digress.

So imagine my surprise when I received not one, but two emails requesting for me to attend interviews on the telephone. The first one was from NUS, and the other from HKU. This is because I have submitted applications to these universities to pursue my post-graduate studies in English Literature.

Once again, interviews are scary. In the middle of my NUS interview, I actually ran out of saliva and my entire mouth went super dry which made it extremely hard to speak.

Anyways. I really hope to gain admissions to at least one good university (along with a studentship) because I wouldn't be able to study my Masters anyway else.

On a side note, I have finished reading John Steinbeck's The Grapes of Wrath. It was quite a depressing read, especially the part where the farmers actually destroyed their crops because they would rather nobody got them than people getting them for free, because most of the people were too poor to pay for the crops anyways.

As I read that chapter, I have this nagging feeling that such a thing is still happening today. However, there is no way to prove that.

I will be going to Johor and then Singapore for a long trip from 11 to 23 December. Gonna imagine myself being in a solo leg of The Amazing Race. :P

What are my plans for the next year?

It has been a few hectic days, because of a new addition to my current plans after I graduate: to study Masters by research, preferably overseas.

Originally, the plan was to apply to the UK, Singapore and USM. I have decided not to apply for UK for the time being because of funding issues. However, only applying to NUS and USM seems to be a thin spread for me. I was actually doing research on other possible locations to do my Masters in English Language and Literature. Countries such as Australia, New Zealand, Canada, USA and even the Philippines were considered, but scrapped.

Then, the QS Rankings were released, which opened up a new opportunity that I have never considered before (but why, I never know). I have discovered Hong Kong University and the Chinese University of Hong Kong as possible locations for me to further my studies :)

I am not a big fan of ranking systems, such as the QS rankings, because it is sometimes hard to be totally objective in the measurement criterion of something with so large a range as the universities in the world (just as I believe that exchange numbers should not be the sole criteria to determine the strength and sustainability of a local AIESEC chapter, but that is a different story altogether). I was not moved much by the fact that HKU is the top ranking university in Asia (for the second time, if not mistaken) but I was interested by the research quality and some of the output of the graduate students there.

Another point to note: all the universities that I plan to apply to are situated on islands. Penang, Singapore and Hong Kong. All of these locations also have a strong British colonial past, which has greatly affected to architecture and administration of the islands. My final dream is to read my PhD in London, which is located on an island, and the heart of British culture. You can really say that I am an Anglophile :P

So, if all goes well, I will be doing my Masters in August/September 2011, after I graduate from USM with a B.A. (hons) English Language and Literature Studies. That will be what I am working towards from today.

21 books I have to read before my graduation

Below is a list that I have compiled of books outside my required reading list that I have decided to finish reading before my graduation date.

The reason for this list is because I feel that the current repertoire of read books that I have is by no means extensive enough. The other reason is because then I would have a reason or purpose to strive for in the betterment of self.

The list of 21 books I have to read before graduating (in no particular order)

1. Dead Souls by Nikolai Gogol

2. War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy

3. Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad

4. Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

5. Don Quixote by Miguel de Servantes Saavedra

6. Les Miserables by Victor Hugo

7. The Divine Comedy by Dante Alighiery

8. In Search for Lost Time by Marcel Proust

9. The Iliad by Homer

10. The Odyssey by Homer

11. The Aeneid by Virgil

12. The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway

13. The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck

14. Madam Bovary by Gustav Flaubert

15. Ulysses by James Joyce

16. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain

17. A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens

18. On The Road by Jack Kerouac

19. To The Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf

20. The Portrait of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

21. Hamlet by William Shakespeare

I will update the blog every time I finish reading a book on this list, and cross it out. The update will include a brief review or my experiences reading that particular book.

If you have any suggestions for me to include in the next list of books I will read, do drop me a comment and I will put it into consideration.

And of course, just because it is not on the list does not mean that I will not read that book. I still have my compulsory reading materials and books like Days of Change by Chuah Guat Eng (highly recommended, by the way), Joseph Andrews by Henry Fielding, Gulliver's Travels by Jonathan Swift and the list goes on and on.

I sure hope that I can finish this assignment that I have laid down for myself.

Homesickness vs wanderlust

I was talking with a few of my coursemates today, when the subject of homesickness came up. They were talking about how far home was, and how expensive it was to go home, and how good home life was. I wouldn't say that I can't relate, but then I do not feel the same amount of homesickness that others may feel.

I have discovered a long time ago that I have wanderlust, or the opposite of homesickness. I have this urge to explore the world, usually by myself, and not look back.

In fact, I think I still have the tendency to just move on.

Which is odd, considering that I am a creature of habit, and resists change somewhat.

Which is why when change comes to me, it comes in huge waves.

When I left my Chinese school to study at another school, it was one of those big changes that came to me. I left knowing that I will be leaving behind a group of friends and acquaintances, and I did. I never looked back.

When I left RBS, the same things kinda just happened. When everyone else had reunions, updates, get-togethers and what-not, I was just one of those "missing-ones". Until I received a message from one of my dorm-mates Adam today.

When I left Form 6, i also left with the sense that I will probably never see most of the people in my class again. We only had one reunion, and that was about it. If Michele were not in USM as well, chances are that we might not talk to each other as often. I almost never talk to any of them anymore (except Wai Hoe and Michele) and those who I currently work with in AIESEC (Wilson and Yee Leng). I have almost shed my Michaelian identity.

I have a feeling that when I leave USM, I will be facing the same situation. I will remember some of my coursemates, but not all of them. I will totally forget some of them (either through forgetfulness or purposely). I will most likely not be in contact with many of these people. I wonder if my fellow AIESECers will have the same fate.

I am still wandering, looking for a new place to go to. My next target: Singapore.

I am wondering if my wanderlust is due to the sense of not belonging in this country. For some reason, I have never felt any inclination of loyalty to my "homeland". I don't feel the conviction when singing the national anthem. Never being welcome, and never fitting in, I have made the unconscious decision that this is not my home.

I have always said that if ever I could leave, I would never, never ever return. It is apt that my whole life has revolved around that pattern, and I have a strong feeling that this pattern will continue.

...Few know what you are...

After a harrowing series of events that have happened in the recent weeks, I finally took a small break (by watching a movie that is related to my coursework, how sad). I was rewatching Zhang Yi Mou's Hero (starring Jet Li, Tony Leong, Maggie Cheung and Donnie Yen) to observe the lighting and colour concepts used in the movie.

That is not what I will talk about in this post.

The Qin Emperor, also known as the First Emperor of China, Shi Huang Ti, has always been demonized in the accounts of Chinese Literature and myths that I have been exposed to in school. Sure, he was a great general who managed to capture and unite all the warring states of China, and build architectural wonders such as the Great Wall, but all this came a a great price of untold human suffering and death. Therefore, it has always been concluded that he, like some of the other monarchs and rulers of history, is a cruel tyrant and oppressor.

In The Prince and The Discourses, Niccolo Machiavelli states that: "to reconstitute political life in a state presupposes a good man, whereas to have recourse to violence in order to make oneself prince in a republic supposes a bad man. Hence very rarely will there be found a good man ready to use bad methods in order to make himself prince, though with a good end in view.

"Nor will any reasonable man blame him for taking any action, however extraordinary, which may be of service in the organizing of a kingdom or the constitution of a republic. It is a sound maxim that reprehensible actions may be justified by their effects, and that when the effect is good, it always justifies the action. For it is the man who uses violence to spoil things, not the man who uses it to mend them, that is blameworthy."

A Prince should therefore disregard the reproach of being thought cruel where it enables him to keep his subjects united and loyal. For he who quells disorder by a very few signal examples will in the end be more merciful that he who from too great leniency permits things to take their course and so result in chaos and bloodshed; for these hurt the whole state, whereas the severities of the Prince injure individuals only.

It is essential therefore, for a Prince who desires to maintain his position, to have learned how to be other than good, and to use or not his goodness as necessity requires.

Everyone sees what you seem to be, but few know what you are."

Sometimes, it can be lonely at the top. It can be lonely being a leader. You may be criticised, you may be slandered, disliked, hated, or even rebelled against. But that is the price of being a leader. To take up individual suffering in order that the organisation or institution can prosper. In order to keep order and peace, a leader must instill discipline, and to make all united the leader must be the uniting factor.

Everyone sees what you seem to be, but few know what you are. This rings true and deep to me. It summarizes the whole ordeal I have been dealing with all my life. And gives me the strength to continue in what I have been doing, believing that one day, it will all be worthwhile.

The Qin Emperor might have really been a tyrant, or he was just trying to end a war that has been going on for centuries, and uniting a group of opposing states into a nation of true strength have brought peace to the land for many years to come. There were many individuals who suffered in the process, but it was for "the greater good".