Homesickness vs wanderlust

I was talking with a few of my coursemates today, when the subject of homesickness came up. They were talking about how far home was, and how expensive it was to go home, and how good home life was. I wouldn't say that I can't relate, but then I do not feel the same amount of homesickness that others may feel.

I have discovered a long time ago that I have wanderlust, or the opposite of homesickness. I have this urge to explore the world, usually by myself, and not look back.

In fact, I think I still have the tendency to just move on.

Which is odd, considering that I am a creature of habit, and resists change somewhat.

Which is why when change comes to me, it comes in huge waves.

When I left my Chinese school to study at another school, it was one of those big changes that came to me. I left knowing that I will be leaving behind a group of friends and acquaintances, and I did. I never looked back.

When I left RBS, the same things kinda just happened. When everyone else had reunions, updates, get-togethers and what-not, I was just one of those "missing-ones". Until I received a message from one of my dorm-mates Adam today.

When I left Form 6, i also left with the sense that I will probably never see most of the people in my class again. We only had one reunion, and that was about it. If Michele were not in USM as well, chances are that we might not talk to each other as often. I almost never talk to any of them anymore (except Wai Hoe and Michele) and those who I currently work with in AIESEC (Wilson and Yee Leng). I have almost shed my Michaelian identity.

I have a feeling that when I leave USM, I will be facing the same situation. I will remember some of my coursemates, but not all of them. I will totally forget some of them (either through forgetfulness or purposely). I will most likely not be in contact with many of these people. I wonder if my fellow AIESECers will have the same fate.

I am still wandering, looking for a new place to go to. My next target: Singapore.

I am wondering if my wanderlust is due to the sense of not belonging in this country. For some reason, I have never felt any inclination of loyalty to my "homeland". I don't feel the conviction when singing the national anthem. Never being welcome, and never fitting in, I have made the unconscious decision that this is not my home.

I have always said that if ever I could leave, I would never, never ever return. It is apt that my whole life has revolved around that pattern, and I have a strong feeling that this pattern will continue.